This what I do really scared for rest of my life. She doesn’t even know that I have contacted with him and I never told her until the last conversations we have. I must be so jealously if they both could be one of each other, but that’s what we knew love can’t be pushed up of something called emotion. It must be feeling, melting on it. Feel something you never known before you get an awkward moment. When he first met you, he loves you like nobody else could do the same thing he does. And you’ll never find someone like him. I just thinking about this, if only I hadn’t known him, I wouldn’t have done this. I wanna scream, screw up to myself. My best friend, how dare I can did it to you…
I act as if I hadn’t known anything, but I did. She still thinks I’m her shoulders to cry on; and I hope so she never known this forever. I wanna die with this blind secret and I wont tell anybody. How dare he thought I just told him what she’s gonna be in some rough cases? Though my weakness I fallen in a biggest hole of us. And for the first time I’m so scared to lose a friend. It’s not just another story of my life, it’s gonna be THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to remind to shut up my fucking mouth and let her finishing it. Don’t speak if she’s not allowed you. And don’t act if she’s not asked. She can stay alive and survive in this situation. I ever saw how she’s going through in another rougher cases than this.
I cant stay behind her back! Her shadow always scared me, I was lying. She is my best friend. Oh my goodness how dare indah!? My lil’ heart says that I have to tell her what it is going on, but I’m scared.
By my life, I’m really regretting for what I have done. Does it compare with my feeling now, dear? I will pleased you to judge me as you willing. In the next life, I wanna be your sister and keep you safety in my arms and never made another scars anymore.
I’m sorry if I have to bury these things with me until I die. Will you forgive me?
[April 23, 2012; 11:17pm]
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